Friday, January 22, 2016

Roe v Wade: A sad day in history

Today, 43 years ago, a landmark decision was made. Seven Supreme Court justices (out of nine) declared that it was a privacy right under the Due Process Clause (14th amendment) for a women to decide to have an abortion. This right had to be balanced between the states regulating abortion and a women's health and the potential of protecting life.

I grew up with Roe v Wade and learned about it in school. It was a part of my life but it wasn't until recently that it really dawned on me how ridiculous it is and yes, it infuriates me beyond belief. You see, I am no longer swayed by public thought but am fueled by my faith and even in what I consider the dark years of my life, the idea that abortion was murder quietly percolated but unfortunately, too late for me to save a life over 15 years ago. In some ways, two lives would have been saved. That of my unborn child and my own that was dragged through dark and torturous years until I finally saw the light and made a change.

The light was God's healing and the courage to say, I had an abortion and I am so sorry. And I finally found the courage to say it out loud to the priest at reconciliation and that time I could barely get the words out as I sobbed so heavily. I still cry when I talk or write about it. It breaks my heart that I was so stupid and made such a tremendous mistake because I was swayed by others. I was in the darkest, scariest time of my life and was misled by those who felt it was my right and better for me and the child if I abort. After all, it wasn't a child yet anyhow. Just a blob of cells. How crazy is that? And yes, I call myself stupid but I am not. I am well educated and that just further supports my belief that what is politically correct and acceptable is NOT always acceptable and misinformation can sink into anyone's mind.

Yes, I believe Roe v Wade should be overturned. Abortion ruins relationships. Abortion devastates life. If you really care about women's rights, tell them the truth that making that decision will not bring happiness and joy but can lead to emotional and physical pain and suffering that can last a lifetime. Is that what you want for your daughter? Not me. I will no longer stand idly by supporting pro-choice because I feel I have to since I had an abortion. I will stand up and tell the world, one person at a time, I am pro-life. Do NOT abort. Choose life. Choose to save a child's life and to save your own life. Protect life at all stages.

Dear God,

I am so sorry for choosing to abort. I am heartbroken that I failed to do good and that I sinned against you. Use me and my story to do good. Please let me help bring an end to abortion and healing to other post-abortive moms. May be dark past do your good today. 

In Jesus' name I pray.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Take a stand and say no to abortion


We need more people like Representative Steve King and I would have to imagine many people in Iowa are proud that they voted him into office.

It isn't always easy to do what is right but trust me, doing what is right is always best. Unfortunately, in this day and age what is right is often blurred and made fuzzy by the media, the stories they want to cover, and the twist that can be put onto those stories. Just looking up this story, which was only brought to my attention via Immaculate Heart radio, led me to NO major news channels that I would see for a million other stories that are deemed important to us by the powers that be.

In a nutshell, this is what happened. Steve King left the State of the Union address at the last minute he could before President Obama started his address. He left to leave his own vacant seat -- a seat to represent more than 55 million aborted babies.

Thank you Representative King for honoring my child. May God forever bless and watch over you and may you be instrumental in bringing an end to abortion and all the lies. The lies I fell victim to believing more than 15 years ago. The lies that had me believing that my child wasn't a child because I was less than 6 weeks pregnant. The lies that my child was just a glob of cells and nothing more. There are still days I wonder how I could be so stupid to believe those lies! I am an adopted child. My birth mother had the strength to have me and thank goodness I was born before Roe vs Wade or she too may have fallen victim to all of those lies! Together we mourn our choices as we both faced unexpected pregnancies and difficult times. Together we face our burdens and carry our crosses but when it all comes down to the end -- she knows I am alive and well and we can chat to one another, and we do. I can only pray to my poor lost soul.

We need more people like Representative Steve King. We need more people standing up and taking action for what is right --- protecting life at ALL stages. We need to stop playing God and start praying to God and asking for Him to guide us, to take all this awfulness and our mistakes of the past and to turn them into good. God can do that and He will!

Representative Steve King story sources:
Huffington Post
The Blaze

Thursday, January 7, 2016

The depths of despair and beyond

I am going to be honest with you. I often blog when I am feeling strong but after Christmas I was feeling less than strong. I was tumbling down feeling less than wonderful. Why couldn't I have been strong like Mary and say yes to my unexpected pregnancy and have faith? The thing about abortion is the pain NEVER ends. You may get better at dealing with it, and sweeping it under the carpet or trying to ignore it does no one any good. You need to face it and accept it for what it is. Mourning the  loss of a loved one. Regretting a bad decision. Perhaps even hating yourself a bit too much some days and trying to find the way to extend mercy to yourself. After all, God loves you and will forgive you once you truly ask Him for forgiveness. But even though I have felt that wonderful, merciful forgiveness first hand, I still have tough days and on one of those tough days I started writing. I had no intention to blog it. I just had to write through my emotions and see where they brought me. After much reflection and prayer, I have decided to share my thought process with you today in hopes it can help someone else to realize, they are not alone. Bad days happen. Let's pull out of it together with God as our guide. But please note as you read this, my husband is also doing the best he can and I have to say, it must be really hard to be a "great" husband when a wife has so many deep wounds. And in those dark times, nothing is really as it seems. Abortion hurts relationships but that doesn't mean you should give up hope. With God, we are stronger and can win the battle.

I feel I am falling down a dark rabbit hole of despair. I had so many dreams for this year. I focused on having the courage -- the courage to face my sins and to set things right and the courage to speak my mind and make myself vulnerable with my beliefs. But in all of that I have only grown deeper and deeper in despair. My hearts aches so greatly for my marriage and my husband will never know my pain for when I talk he silences me and tells me I say it all wrong. And when he isn’t talking over me he is walking away or buried in the book. He says he doesn’t talk to me since I don’t talk but what am I to say? I have prayed and prayed for wisdom and have tried a million things. I have faith in God but also know we all have our own free will. It makes me feel as if my prayers are meaningless if my husband never chooses me.

I question how he can truly love me when he never wants to hear what I have to say. The hurt is piling up and I can barely breath. The tension is weighing on me and he wonders why I break apart. I am under constant pressure and trying with all my might to be loving, supportive and helpful. I have tried making coffee, breakfast in bed, and more intimacy --- all things he has asked for but what I have is never enough. I am never enough and feel in this world I will never be enough. I am just an awful critical wife who talks too much and expects too much even though so much of me is lost.

I miss being able to race and run and have a husband and child cheering me on. I miss my hand being held and hearing a reassuring voice. I miss having someone to go to when I feel all beat up and at the end of my rope. I miss having a shoulder to cry on and someone gently patting my head. I am tired of doing it all because it is not all mine to do. I need help and the only help I get is from far away words of support and the help of a 7 year old. She isn’t the one who should be taking on so much responsibility in life. What is this teaching her? That women are here only to serve men and that it is okay for men to say mean words?

Every time my husband says he can just pack his bags and leaves it tears me apart but he will never know the destruction I felt when he said those terrible words to a 7 year old girl. A 7 year old girl so much like myself many years ago. Brave and strong but slowly over time, my self esteem was edged away by hurtful words from those closest and dearest to me. I was never enough. I turned from God, I became promiscuous, and the road ended with abortion.

Dear God, I have totally messed up everything and have poisoned all I touch. I do not know how to repair this all and feel hopeless and in despair. I am lost, alone, and scared and feel this is my punishment for choosing to abort but dear God, please protect my family from the cross that I must bear.  Help me find my way on this dark and dreary past and help me to honor you in every future step.