Thursday, February 11, 2016

How the Planned Parenthood Videos Affected Me

This article was originally published on August 14, 2015 in the Hawaii Catholic Herald. The original source is HERE.

When I first heard about the content of the videos about Planned Parenthood selling baby parts my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach. I was horrified at the thoughts and all the wounds of my past abortion surfaced at once. I wanted to run and hide. I couldn’t face the videos. But through God’s grace and inspiration from Immaculate Heart Radio I knew I had to face them, view them, and understand what was happening.

The interviews and images were gut-wrenching. I was immediately sick to my stomach on the verge of throwing up. The feeling hung with me and I couldn’t shake the horror. I prayed that nothing like that happened to my precious lost soul. I prayed to my child in heaven, pleading once again for forgiveness. I prayed that all those impacted by abortion would find the strength to endure this challenging horror.

In all reality, if I hadn’t attended Rachel’s Vineyard (a post-abortion reconciliation retreat) this past May, I don’t think I could have survived this news and go forward, even if going forward meant no longer putting on mascara as I found myself crying many times throughout the day. I found strength in realizing God’s timing is perfect and he extended his healing grace to me prior to this devastating news.

However, even with his grace I have felt an increase in irritability and annoyance that no one who knows my story has reached out to me to lend support, to ask how I am, to give me a hug. No one around me is talking about these disturbing videos and I wonder how that is possible. The silence is deafening and I can’t remove the horror of babies being ripped apart and sold piece by piece. It scares me that this is okay in this time and age. I am devastated but strong.

But I also know not everyone is as lucky as I am. There are women hurting and I am certain many do not know where to go for help, don’t forgive themselves, and need our help and prayers. I pray for them daily, have started prayer circles, and have broken my silence and am taking a more active pro-life role. I refuse to be silent anymore.

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