Monday, August 24, 2015

Abortions can strain or ruin relationships

My marriage is struggling. It is a difficult marriage. I am not writing this to be cruel or to air dirty laundry but to bring awareness on how abortion has negative everlasting impacts. Impacts that are clouded over in the "womens' rights" and "it's her body" dialogue. Yes, women do have rights. The right to know the FULL truth, not the edited mainstream view that makes it sound like you are harming women by standing up and saying abortion is wrong.

First, let is be known I got involved with my husband years after my abortion and in some ways, he was my saving grace and helped me to begin to love myself again. He made me feel special. He listened to me. I felt the walls around my heart melting and felt loved unconditionally until....things changed. Or perhaps they didn't.

Love is a funny thing. In the beginning it is all rose-colored and happy but eventually the walls do come down fully and you are standing there exposed with all your insecurities, weaknesses, and regrets in plain sight. And over time, words stated in anger or frustration can linger and grow into a pestilent waste. Through loving communication and determination this doesn't have to be the case but that is the problem. Abortion hurts. Abortion can damage healthy communication.

Abortion can impact ALL relationships - parental, spouse, that with siblings, children, etc. for years to come. 40-75% of marriages end after abortion due to the breakdown of intimacy and trust. The woman's feelings of anger, guilt, depression, and/or being let down by her partner can negatively impact communication and sexual function. This can lead to more conflict and less trust in a relationship. The suppression of mourning can do more harm than good and the woman may have a hard time bonding with children later in life or bond more tightly to make-up for the lost child. (oh how I understand that second part!) Let's not even get into how abortion can impact surviving children. They too have a burden to carry.

Abortion is traumatic and yes, post-abortive moms can suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. Symptoms a woman may face are guilt, anxiety, numbness, depression, flashbacks, and/or suicidal thoughts.

Back to my marriage. Even though my husband isn't the partner who let me down I feel being let down by a male has set me up to believe that I will always be let down by males. Add to it my feelings of guilt and inadequacy and desire to feel loved and good and my poor husband has high standards to live up to. Standards too high for any human. I realize this weakness and fault of mine and try to be less needy and more giving but sometimes life happens, the scars get ripped open, and getting through the day in one piece is enough of a challenge.

Case in point. The Planned Parenthood videos.

Thank God my husband and I got our marriage validated and I felt being on the right path with God would help us overcome the hurt in our marriage. I would do things God's way and our relationship could start healing but I wasn't prepared for Planned Parenthood. I wasn't prepared for past scars to be ripped open and to feel so much agony and pain. I wasn't prepare to wrap my brain around babies being dismantled and sold piece by piece. I wasn't prepared to comprehend how on earth someone can cut into a moving child to harvest that precious brain. I wanted to yell from the mountaintops that all of this was wrong. I was baffled how people were grumbling over the little stuff in life when all of this was happening. I was suffering and getting annoyed and reaching out to dear hubby for love and understanding, a reassuring hug, some compassion but communication flop. He saw a needy, depressed wife, and questioned if God was good and probably felt utterly helpless (just my thoughts on how he felt). Logically I realized this but I wonder how we will move beyond the years of hurt, create healthy communication, and discover the rosier side of life.

He is carrying the burden of my scars along with me and that can make me feel equally guilty. I can't go back and undue the wrong but I can push forward and stand up against abortion. I will no longer let guilt and shame force me to be silent. I will take the challenges in life, even the ones my husband tosses at me, and grow from them. After all, it was his challenge to me to support my beliefs that spurred me to start this blog. I will stand up and say abortion is wrong, abortion hurts, abortion kills.

Dear God,

The world is hurting and needs your healing grace. I pray all those hurt by abortion feel your loving forgiveness and find the courage to be silent no more. I pray all those performing or supporting abortions are able to open their hearts, change their ways, and protect our young from harm. I pray those considering abortion can learn from my pain and realize whatever they fear pales in comparison to the damage of abortion. I pray they choose life.  I pray our country's leaders find your strength in them so that they can stand up for our nation and guide us along a path of growth and healing that recognizes that ALL lives matter.

In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

Sources:
Abortion and Interpersonal Relationships
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome

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